Monday, December 17, 2007

farmer in the deli

ok so i had this dream last night that i was in farmer in the deli. for those of you who dont know what it is, it is a deli on myrtle ave in brooklyn where i live. it is run well by arabic and mexican dudes. they run it like clockwork. your in and out with a sandwich the size of a cat in 5 minutes or so and it is always less than 6 bucks.

however, in my dream this afternoon (its 1:15 and i woke up recently), farmer in the deli was like one of those elks club places and it was a bunch of old white people running the place. men and women who seemingly, in reality, have nothing to do after their retirement and just fill time with these activities. except the old man who was helping KEPT FUCKING WITH ME. i alwasy get the same thing at "f in the d": roast beef and munster, with lettuce tomato, mayo, oil and vinegar and sweet peppers.

i had to tell this mother fucker time and time again to make me this sandwich and would give me suggestions as to what a better sandwich was. meanwhile the store has gotten larger and my brother and his friends are sitting down waiting for me. (they have sushi for some reason). so finally this old fucker makes me my sandwich after arguing about nothing. so finally he gets to making the sandwich and i watch him put turkey and pickles on it. so im like what the fuck and he just hands me the sandwich over the counter. i dont know what to do so i just look down at it. then he hands me like 1/4 pound of salami for ME to put on my sandwich which is now on my side of the sneeze glass. then hands me a whole pickle to put on it.

at this point i dont care and i just want my sandwich. so he finishes, FINALLY, and writes down the price on the wrapper (like they do in the real f in the d, and thats what we call it so fuck off) and its fucking 23 dollars!

so i obviously lose it on this guy and as i lose it towards him, he sort of sneaks along the back wall behind the other old people making sandwiches and lights up a cigarette. so im yelling at him and he's smirking because he pissed a youngin off (and btw this guy is really content and though i was asleep i was fucking MAD). so finally i confront this guy after he sort of gives me the spin-juke move over and over again as i get near to facing him and talking to him. and i say my first piece.

Section A of the tell off was "ive been coming here for years and it never costs more than 6 bucks!' he laughs.

Section B of the tell off was "and you didnt even give me what i asked for! and then charged me for that!". but as soon as i was about to really REALLY lay it on him, the fucking kitchen lights on fire (i dont seee it i just know thats whats happening because people are looking in room that is on fire. trust me.)

so here i was yelling over pandemonium at an old man who purposely pissed me off via my sandwich. that old ass mother fucker. so needless to say i have been up now for fifteen minutes and im annoyed and i want a sandwich.

1 comment:

CherryBlossom Mimosa said...
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